So I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog.
"But why, Holly? Belle to Businesswoman is such a cute and fitting name for your blog!"
Yes, yes I know. It is an adorable name and quite witty for my situation, if you ask me. :) But see, with a blog named "Belle to Businesswoman" I feel the need to write about
business, aka - my job. And, lately, the exciting parts of my life...the parts I actually would want to blog about, well they happen AFTER 5pm. They happen in the other half of my life. They happen when I'm playing the part of wife/friend/doggy mommy. Not when I'm playing the part of Executive Assistant. Every now and then something interesting will happen at work. But in general, my job is...
eh. I mean, it keeps me busy, but it's just alright. And the parts of my job that are kind of cool, those parts are mostly confidential. I can't talk about that new show they are writing or that new ride they are developing or the research I just did for something so TOTALLY awesome that we might do at one of our properties. So unless you want to hear about the HOURS I spent scheduling meetings (and rescheduling those same meetings) or the hours I spend booking travel, or the hours I spend reconciling company credit card charges, I don't think this blog would be very interesting to you.
But maybe it
could be interesting if I blogged about it with a spin. But honestly, I don't want to think about work anymore than I have to. When 5 o'clock (or 5:30, or 6pm, etc) rolls around, I want to be DONE with work!
The real issue here is motivation. I have lost my mojo. I have lost my motivation.
See, at first I thought I was just going through a stage. My trip to Jamaica was coming up and who wouldn't be a little spacey at work with an awesome trip like that only a few weeks away?
And then when I got back from my trip, I had a hard time keeping myself motivated. But again, who could blame me? I had just had the most awesome time EVER on the beach drinking pina coladas, hanging out with friends, dancing the night away! It's a little hard to switch from sunbathing and Jamaican rum to expense reports and bad office coffee.
So I did a little reflecting. And I realized that I've had a complete overhaul attitude change about work. I've gone from "ambitious" to "apathetic."
When I first started working at the HR office of that "un-named attraction" I felt like I had finally started my career. And over time, I felt like I was moving forward - working towards that career. Each task I completed got me one tiny step closer to that "big office with a window" that I thought I wanted. When I moved over to the corporate office, I was so excited.
Finally I got to wear business casual clothes! And I had my own desk! And I had my own phone extension! I was really moving up! But that honeymoon stage didn't last long. I got
bored. REALLY bored. I was over-educated for that position. (Not to sound big-headed, but I really was.) I did learn a lot of necessary skills that I didn't posses, like
corporate style communication, etc. but when you got down to the nitty gritty of that job, the truth is that I had a masters degree and I was answering the phone and ordering office supplies.
I. Was. Bored.
So what's an ambitious girl to do? I reached out to other departments. I helped out on this, I did a little of that, I
continuously asked anyone who walked by if there was anything they needed help on, anything I could help them with.
And what happened? Well, in a down economy, the worst thing you can do is let your coworkers know that you don't have enough to do at work.
I was laid off.
Which sucked. But I didn't take it personally and that is why I am back with the company working in a much better job with a much better pay rate. :) And in general, this is a really good job (I stay busy, I get along with everyone, some of the stuff I work on is interesting).
So why am I still having these motivation issues? Shouldn't I just be happy to have a job? Shouldn't I be grateful that I am not sitting at home living on unemployment checks?
(I know the answer is yes. Well, actually the answer is "Q
uit complaining Holly and get to work!" Seriously though, I should remember that most people hate their jobs. And I'm lucky in so many aspects - I work with nice people, I have respect at work, I have pride in the company I work for, etc.)
But the problem is that this is just a
job. It's not a career. Where am I going to go from here? (A few other people at my company started in this position, but the job they were promoted into does NOT sound like something I would enjoy.) Any experience I am gaining is really just boxing me in to be an Executive Assistant for the rest of my life. So what is my motivation to work hard and do well?
---
Peter Gibbons: You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't- don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."
---
So to conclude: Work sucks. Period. I've gone from fantasizing about a career to just being happy to get my bi-weekly paycheck.
But my life doesn't suck. My life is FUN! And I really think my personal life would be much more interesting to blog about...
So is it time to retire Belle to Businesswoman?
